Forgiving those who have hurt us........

How do we forgive those who have hurt us?  Odds are that when you read that line, someone’s name immediately came to mind.  There was something they did to you in the past that is still fresh and raw and painful.  Someone has wounded you, lied to you, taken advantage of you and that wound is very fresh.

Let me say this right up front:  Anytime I talk about this I get some push back.  I get, “Chuck, listen, you don't know what so and so did to me. You're going to tell me that I'm supposed to forgive, but you don't know what so and so did to me.”  And the truth is, I don't know.  But here’s what I do know:  If you really want to move past your past, if you really want to get the past to release it’s grip on you, you have to decide to forgive.

Jesus made a statement that speaks to this issue.  A doctor named Luke wrote down an account of the events of Jesus’ life and he recorded what Jesus said:  What is impossible with men is possible with God.  (Luke 18:27, NIV)

Let’s start with the why.  Why in the world should I forgive someone who hurt me or hurt someone I love?  2 reasons.  First:

Because unforgiveness hurts me.

For some reason we have the idea that when we don’t forgive someone else that we’re hurting them.  We’re getting even with them.  But that doesn’t make any sense at all.  They’re the ones who did the hurting, do you think they really care if you forgive them or not?  No.  They don’t.  So when we don’t forgive someone else, it doesn’t hurt them, it hurts us.  The writer to the Hebrews said:  Watch out that no poisonous root of bitterness grows up to trouble you, corrupting many.  (Hebrews 12:15b, NLT)

Many people have learned to function with a grudge.  But Scripture says that love keeps no records of wrong, but bitterness keeps detailed records doesn't it?  Unforgiveness is like grabbing broken glass and squeezing it in our hands, it hurts us.  Here’s the 2nd reason we must forgive:

Because I will need forgiveness again.

It would be great if we were to repent of our sins and ask God for His forgiveness and that was it......forever.  But the problem is, we’re human.  Even though our sins are forgiven, we aren’t perfect so we will sin again.  So every one of us, regardless of who we are, will need forgiveness again.  Here’s what Jesus said:  “If you forgive those who sin against you, your heavenly Father will forgive you. But if you refuse to forgive others, your Father will not forgive your sins.”  (Matthew 6:14-15, NLT)

We can shrug that off and say, “It’s not a big deal” all day long, but it is a big deal.  It’s a huge deal.  I don’t know if you’ve caught on to this yet, but forgiveness doesn’t benefit the person being forgiven, it benefits the person doing the forgiving.  Forgiveness doesn’t benefit the person or the people who wronged you, it benefits you!  It removes the poison from your heart, and opens the door to receive God’s forgiveness again, and not matter how you look at it, both of those are winning situations!

It’s not enough to know why we should forgive, it’s also helpful to know how to forgive.  Here we go:

I first need to pray.

Start with prayer and pray for those that hurt you.  Some of you are thinking, “I’ve been praying but God still hasn’t given them hemorrhoids or struck them with lightning!”  That’s not the kind of prayer I’m talking about.  I’m talking about praying for them like Jesus.  While He was on the cross......beaten, bloody, bruised and dying, Jesus said something.  As He was hanging there He looked up to Heaven and said:  “Father, forgive them.”  (Luke 23:34, NLT)

Right as they were hurting Him He prayed.  So just start and pray.  I’m not going to tell you this will be easy, and I don't want to minimize the pain, but you start there and God can start to do a work in your heart.   Start with prayer.  Here’s the second step:

Forgive as you have been forgiven.

Forgive the same way God forgave you.  “But Chuck, I’m not God.”  Of course you’re not God.  If you were God you would have forgiven long ago.  I know you’re not God, but we need to forgive in the same way He forgives.  In the New Testament we have a letter that the Apostle Paul wrote the church in the city of Colossai because, apparently, they were having some issues with forgiveness too.  So here’s what He wrote to them:  Make allowance for each other’s faults, and forgive anyone who offends you. Remember, the Lord forgave you, so you must forgive others.  (Colossians 3:13, NLT)

Cut people some slack.  You like it when people cut you some slack, don’t you?  When you get pulled over for doing 78 in a 70, do you want a ticket, or do you want some slack?  When you’re in a hurry and you didn’t come to a complete stop, do you want a ticket or do you want a break?  Paul says, “Hey!  People have faults.  Give ‘em a break.  Make allowance for that.”  And no, it might not be easy, it might not be clean, there might still be some mess, you still might have to hang in there and work through some things.  There might even be some pain on the other side, but hang in there, bear with them.

God forgave you and me of this huge debt of sin, and He calls on us to forgive the offences that others commit against us.  Why?  Because forgiven people forgive people.

That's what we do.  I’m forgiven by Christ and didn’t deserve His grace, therefore because I belong to Him, I offer the same forgiveness that's been given to me.