And What About Forgiveness?

Last week I wrote about anger. But let's take it a step further. What about forgiveness?

Some of the things that cause us anger are over in a brief period of time, we're able to work through the anger and move on. But others are things that we've carried around for awhile. Not only do we need to get past the anger......we have to learn to forgive.

Sounds easy, but let's be honest......forgiveness is a choice and for some unknown reason we humans would sometimes rather be angry and unforgiving than take that step fo forgiveness. I haven't quite figured that out. Rather than forgive someone we'd often rather carry a chip on our shoulder. But what good does it do? It just makes our shoulder tired!

And think about this: Whom does your anger and lack of forgiveness hurt? The other person? Nope.......they just go on their merry way. It hurts YOU and affects everything you do.

Maybe as many as ten years ago—or even twenty—someone hurt you. You forgave them and, for all practical purposes, forgot about it...until something happened to re-open the wound. It could be a conversation, a circumstance, a chance event, or any number of other things that causes you to find yourself struggling again with unforgiveness. It's not that you weren't sincere in your first (or second, or third) attempt to forgive them, it's just that the hurt will not go completely away.

A couple of years ago two individuals were immoral, unethical and completely deceptive toward me. I forgave them. It wasn't easy....and to be honest.....I didn't even want to do it! I wanted to just be mad at them - but that was only hurting me. So I chose to forgive them. Do I have lunch with them now? Nope.....and probably won't. Forgiveness doesn't mean they have to become your best buddy and you start hanging out with them. It simply means you forgive.

Honestly, there are times when I see them that the anger and resentment rares it's ugly head again. At that moment I have to make a choice: let the anger and unforgiveness return, or choose to forgive them......again. The argument could be made that I hadn't really forgiven them in the first place, or else I wouldn't have felt so bitter. In the most literal sense, I guess that may be true. If I had forgiven them the same way Christ has forgiven me, I suppose I would have simply waved hello and moved on my way—without giving a second thought to what happened long ago.

I have no doubt I was sincere in my desire to forgive completely. But sometimes the bonds of bitterness aren't easily broken. Sometimes we have to forgive someone again and again before it is settled completely in our own mind.

Jesus told Peter that we are to forgive our brother "seventy-times-seven." I always assumed he was referring to "seventy-times-seven" separate offenses. The fact is, he could have been referring to a single event.

If you want to succeed in life, you must be able to forgive. In fact, let's face it: if you want to SURVIVE life, you must be able to forgive. We strive to forgive as we have been forgiven—immediately and absolutely—but sometimes it takes us awhile to reach that point. When old wounds are re-opened, we have to treat them as if they were brand new: take them to God, lay them at His feet, and ask Him for the grace to forgive as He has forgiven you.

Don't let past hurts hold you back. Reliving the pain from last month, or last year, or your previous job or relationship isn't worth the price you have to pay. It keeps you from focusing on what God has called you to do today: serve Him with joy, and love Him with all your heart.

God's act of forgiveness toward us is a one-time event. We ask once, he forgives, he forgets, and that's the end of it. "If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins, and cleanse us from all unrighteousness." (1 John 1:9)

Our forgiveness of others should be the same, but it's not always easy. Sometimes forgiveness is a process that has to be repeated again and again.

My encouragement to you today is simple: I encourage you to forgive. No, we're not God and we don't have the ability to "forgive and forget" as He does. So until you can master the "forget" part, keep working on the "forgive" part. It will serve you well.